Love 'Till You Hate
by onemakaveli96
Summary: No one could foresee the aftermath of her visiting her father. The prolonged departure from Justin, Justin's step back, & the reappearance of an ex, all of which tears at a fabric once thought unbreakable--Rebecca's bond w/Justin. Post S2, Justin/Rebecca.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Love 'Till You Hate (1/?)  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Justin/Rebecca  
**Summary:** When Rebecca decided to visit her father David, she couldn't foresee the change she would be swept up in. Justin's step back, her extended stay with her father, and the reappearance of an ex-girlfriend, all of which tears a fabric once thought unbreakable--her bond with Justin.  
**Note:** Spoilers for entire series. Everything is else is of my brain's conjecture. At most, this shouldn't run more than five chapters. This first chapter is mostly a prologue, a set-up for the fic itself.** Enjoy.**

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Thursday.

She flew out on her own one Thursday morning, with big brown eyes boring into her. Sad, but accepting. Understanding, but still swearing that there had to be another way. There was, but not really.

David was her father, and the fact that he was supposed to be her dad but never was, was not exactly David's fault. It was her mother's for making biased assumptions. Her mother could not deter her from piecing together the fragments of a scattered identity, even more so when it became clear that at any moment, life can crush you down. As it did with David, when a car made a sharp left turn and slammed right into him, breaking his bones, making him comatose for two weeks.

Justin, he offered to accompany her, but she denied him this.

"You still need your family, Justin. It hasn't even been a year since you've been sober, and the first year you need your loved ones--your family."

Even Nora complied.

"She's a big girl, Justin. She can take care of herself, and she'll come back. Won't you, Rebecca?"

That voice, that sweet motherly voice that Rebecca had missed all her life and grown attached to the moment she met Nora…she couldn't quite recall it anymore.

"Of course I'm coming back."

She had chuckled, because the notion of not returning was ridiculous.

Then she got to know her father, who helped her with her photography, and who in turn she helped with rent and utilities. Every day she juggled two phone calls, one to Justin, another with Nora who would miraculously conjure up a five-way call.

Somewhere in between the hecticness, she began calling David dad, and somewhere along that same time, she forgot to dial either number of the Walkers.

The pattern went broken, and relationships tumble that way. When priorities are set forth and time is constrained, you have to make choices, but because everything is so scrambled, sometimes emotion or logic is forgotten and wrong choices are made without both senses coming into play.

Strange, because patterns can be so ill-fitting as well, but Rebecca came to see it was because there was nothing there. Physical contact didn't exist--it never does with a long distance relationship. Unless you're unfaithful and pretending the person with whom you're having an 'affair' is the one too many miles away. It's torture both ways, especially if you're a cheater with a conscious.

But she wasn't cheating, and she knew he wasn't cheating, and when they did manage to chat they were content to hear each other's voice. Content. Just content.

"It's been five months, Becca. I'd come down there, but my boss already hates me enough…I should probably just quit."

The first line he said with that sad voice, softly and a bit of pleading resounds through her phone. The second line, he said lightheartedly, trying for the issue not to sound too serious. It partly wasn't, and it partly was. Five months compared to the four months they were dating before she left--it was not healthy.

"Why don't you come home already, Rebecca?"

He petitioned again, and then her dad poked her to show her his latest drawing. He had drawn her standing in the kitchen, in front of the stove. The colors softly drawn on the blouse she's wearing in the drawing indicated what he drew--the day he came down with a cold, so she made him some hot chocolate as he made some idiotic joke.

She smiled, appreciative to her dad, and turned around. With a whisper, she said," I will Justin, just not yet."

Then, seven weeks later, Kevin called to tell her that he has been cheating, and guilt rang through her system. It was the addiction again, but this time, alcohol.

"Okay, I'm going," she stated.

"It's best you don't, at least not yet. He's not thinking clear, Rebecca, and he's blaming you."

"Oh, God," she pressed her hand to her forehead," oh God, it's all my fault."

"No!" he yelled into the phone. "This is not your fault, so don't go there or mom is not going to be happy."

Afterwards, things got really muddy. Afraid to interrupt the Walkers process of helping Justin, she did not call. Nora attempted calling two weeks later, and she told her that he was rehabilitating nicely again.

"He's calmed down, and we have the counselor coming down twice a week to talk to him. And he really wants to talk to you, Rebecca."

Speaking to Justin again sounded nice, but she felt it may be awkward.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess I can--"

And then on Nora's end she heard her chuckle to someone else--"Oh, Tyler, are you leaving already?!"

Tyler.

Rebecca hung in there until Nora came back.

"So you'll call him?"

Rebecca was not very prudent in that moment, and she questioned, "Tyler?"

The pause was noticeable, and even Nora knew things wouldn't be quite the same.

"Yes, Tyler."

So she never called Justin, although he did several times, and a few times he left her voice messages.

"Rebecca, Tyler's only here because she heard about the alcohol and wanted to help out. I swear, that's it."

But she only hears the message when her phone company retrieves that voicemail and a dozen others, three months after it's been broken. Would've gone quicker if she had more money, but the ifs were useless. She knew this, and hence decided to act. But she hadn't seen Justin in a year, hadn't heard from him in five months.

Things change.

She realizes this when she makes her way through the Walker household, careful not to make a noise, because she wants to surprise them.

The only thing she hears is the noise of the television blaring through the speakers from the living room.

_Justin_.

He's her first thought, and a smile spreads over her face at the thought of seeing him again. But the sight is unwelcome.

He's strewn out on the couch, fast asleep, with the woman he had told her of when they thought they were both Walkers, the woman whom she had seen pictures of and right then recognized--Tyler, who laid in his arms, asleep as well.

She could be misreading the situation. They could've fallen asleep on the couch watching TV, just an accident really.

But there's a blanket covering them, his arms are enclosed around her with her hands gripping his and their legs are all jumbled up together. And the credits to _P.S. I Love You_ are rolling (she has the film and even the credits committed to heart--she had forced Justin to watch it with her several times).

It's too much and she backs away just as quietly as she entered, leaves all the way back to where her father is.

No one would know of her ever brief visit. And she wouldn't be there for another year.

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**Reviews are more than welcome **(hint, hint)


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Love 'Till You Hate (2/?)  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Justin/Rebecca  
**Summary:** When Rebecca decided to visit her father David, she couldn't foresee the change she would be swept up in. Justin's step back, her extended stay with her father, and the reappearance of an ex-girlfriend, all of which tears a fabric once thought unbreakable--her bond with Justin.  
**Note: **I have these crazy, ravenous bunnies who will let me sleep in only one of two instances--one, when I write what they tell me to (believe me, when it's midnight & I have class the next morning, I just want to muffle the bunnies, but no...) and/or two, when they are given their dose of feedback (what can I say, they like receiving reviews?). Anyway, ignore my ramble...Thanks to those who are reading, and those who reviewed. I sincerely hope you **Enjoy**!

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Her mom and her were on better terms, which was perfect because she now had a place to say, until she found her own place.

Preferably one that put a at least an hour of distance between them, but that thought diminished when Nora dropped by to see her.

"Rebecca!"

She hugged her tightly, and Rebecca returned the hug, finding that Nora still exuded that sense of comfort and love.

"We've all missed you so much. Oh, don't ever leave me that long again, do you hear me young lady?"

She projected that look that says she isn't kidding, that scared Rebecca into saying 'okay' but she couldn't help but wonder how she knew she would be here.

"Oh, your mother let it slip the other day, and I would have come by earlier, but as always, things came up."

Rebecca laughed understandably. "So not everything has changed?"

The implications of her question made Nora pause for a second, noting how at least one thing changed since Rebecca left. Or a couple, actually.

"No. A lot of things have stayed the same--Kevin and Scotty are doing well, as are Tommy and his family. Sarah's dating some mystery man--again," she chuckled," and yes, they each have their issues once in a while, but for the most part they're doing well. And Kitty's and Robert's son turned three last week--oh, he's a wonderful boy."

"So the adoption worked out nicely?"

"Yes," Nora smiled," so much so they're considering another one."

Rebecca smiled, genuinely happy for all of them, glad that their lives were working out, but she still hadn't heard anything about Justin.

"I know you're wondering about Justin," the inquisitive woman leaned over and whispered to her, so Rebecca's mother wouldn't hear.

Rebecca didn't move, and when she attempted to speak, only muffled noise escaped her.

"We--I…He-"

"He's fine," Nora squeezed her hand and looked at her in concern.

"Why don't we go talk somewhere private?"

She was hesitant, mostly afraid of what sort of talk would be involved if they went somewhere private.

"It's important, sweetie."

She couldn't shoot down Nora, despite the constraint she was feeling in her heart, and the fear bubbling over in her stomach. Still she nodded and they stepped outside, where Nora breathed in deeply and held the young woman's hands.

"Rebecca, I don't know what happened between you and Justin, and I'm sure you wouldn't be able to explain it either if you tried."

Rebecca smiled morbidly, glad Nora wasn't going to push the subject, because there was no clear explanation for what did happen. Even she couldn't comprehend how things dissolved, how they broke without ever even acknowledging it.

"But whatever happened…I don't know, and I won't judge either of you for it. Really. Or the ramifications."

"Ramifications?" Rebecca's eyebrows furrowed and she tilted her head in question.

Nora inhaled deeply again, and she held tighter onto Rebecca's hands.

"Justin, after months and months of trying to reach you…he got tired, angry even, sort of obtained an--what do you kids call it? A 'fuck it' attitude?"

Rebecca drew her head back and winced at Nora's choice of words.

"That is what you call it, right?"

Rebecca chuckled nervously and nodded.

"Yes, well that. And eventually he and Tyler…"

Rebecca felt herself freeze when she said 'he and Tyler' because what was to be said thereafter was now fairly predictable, and as the words came out of her mouth, Rebecca felt her heart fall and her head spin.

"N-nine months? They've been dating for nine months?" she spit out and she shook her hands away from Nora. They had been dating for only nine months which meant that when she had come a year ago…

"Sweetie, I'm sorry…"

"Sorry?" and as if she had gone hysterical, she began laughing and she ran her hands through her hair.

"No, no. Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry about. We broke up, maybe not officially, but we did, and if he's happy, why should anyone be sorry, right?"

Nora raised her eyebrows, and was about to protest what was clearly a defense mechanism, but the look Rebecca conveyed to her told her to not push the subject at the moment.

"Right."

"In fact, when's the next family dinner? I would love to see all of the Walkers again?"

As soon as that spilled out of her mouth, she regretted saying it, knowing it'd be a disaster waiting to happen.

"Uh," Nora was surprised to say the least so she was caught off guard.

"Tomorrow night, at seven."

"Great," Rebecca plastered on a smile and spoke through gritted teeth.

"See you there, then?"

Solemnly, she nodded, disaster fantasies running amuck in her mind. A dinner with the Walkers after being gone for two years. A dinner that included Justin, her ex-boyfriend, and his girlfriend because he would probably bring her along.

"And just to give them a pleasant surprise, I won't tell them you're coming!" Nora exclaimed, already plotting to add a small, celebratory cake to the mixture, and anxious at seeing them pleasantly surprised.

Great, now Justin would definitely be bringing Tyler, unaware that one Rebecca Harper would be present.

And as Rebecca tossed and turned in her bed, she couldn't stop putting together the timeline from the moment she left, to right now. From when she heard about Justin faltering in her rehabilitation, to when he and Tyler came into contact again. Then this--he had only begun dating her nine months ago, which meant that three months prior to that, when she had walked into that living room…they weren't dating? Had she truly overreacted, despite the evidence to the contrary?

She ended up falling asleep after taking some medicine for the headache that overwhelmed her amidst her thinking storm, all the time dreading the upcoming night's dinner. Fearing that due to some mistake (or mistakes) of hers, the bond between her and Justin may now be broken beyond repair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Love 'Till You Hate (3/5)  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Justin/Rebecca  
**Summary:** When Rebecca decided to visit her father David, she couldn't foresee the change she would be swept up in. Justin's step back, her extended stay with her father, and the reappearance of an ex-girlfriend, all of which tears a fabric once thought unbreakable--her bond with Justin.  
**Note: **Feedback is immensely appreciated, but above all **Enjoy**.

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Jaws dropped when they saw her sitting at the dinner table, laughing and talking with their mother.

Kitty and Robert were there first, and when they first arrived their son ran up to greet his grandmother. Kitty exclaimed and went up to Rebecca and embraces her, and soon enough was questioning her, asking her what she had been doing, why she lost contact, why she was back--and if she was staying.

She could only answer a few of those questions, and she retained the same answers when Kevin went in, asking the same things, but threatening her.

"If you ever leave again, we are hunting you down and moving you into this house just so mom can keep an eye on you 24/7."

Rebecca laughed, missing the variety of personalities, and the laughter of this family. One by one they trickled in, from Kevin and Scotty to Tommy and Julia. There was, however, the noticeable lack of presence of Sarah.

"So, is Sarah coming?" Rebecca asked after awhile.

"Maybe, she had to tie up some things at the company," Tommy explained.

"Had to or was too neurotic to leave it for the next day?" Kevin remarked.

Tommy rolled his eyes as a few others chuckled, as Kevin's comment was the more likely truth.

That topic settled quickly, and around the table everyone threw their questions out to Rebecca, some which she was more than comfortable with answering and others that she would rather leave alone. There were the all the obvious ones they all had, but amidst those were ones that made her uneasy--why was she gone so long? Why didn't she call? Why did it take her so long to return? Why did she choose to return now?

That last one was made courtesy of Robert, who after listening to the answers she decided to answer, could not make sense of her latest decision. She only smiled embarrassingly, and admitted that she had no real answer, but that a definite reason was that she had to return sooner or later and she couldn't put it off any longer. The answer sufficed for the moment.

When everyone had asked their questions, and when Nora had told them to stop interrogating her, they turned to complain about Justin's lateness. Actually, Darrin, Kitty's son, mentioned Justin first.

"Where's uncle Justin? I'm hungry?" he had looked up at his grandma with big wide, brown eyes.

The Walkers looked at each other nervously at the mention of his name and eyed Rebecca wearily.

"What?" she glanced at each of them, shrugging.

"Will you be fine with Justin here?" Scotty who still was the same nice, compassionate guy leaned over the table, and asked her in a whisper so Darrin wouldn't hear.

"Of course," Rebecca said immediately," there's nothing not to be fine with."

But when they still looked at her, non-convinced, she sighed and said," Look, whatever happened, happened. Both of us knew this was a possibility when we were…you know, so it won't be weird."

"What won't be weird?" the curious three-year old asked, looking between the adults.

"Uh, nothing, nothing," Kitty shrugged and smiled sweetly at him.

And although none of them were completely sure of Rebecca's statement, they knew pursuing it would be pointless, so they decided to complain about Justin not being on time.

"Whoa, thanks for the bashing."

Those were the first words she heard from him in over a year and some months, and she felt her throat close up when he spoke them. Everybody looked up at him simultaneously, with eyes of irritation--except hers.

His brothers and sisters began chastising him for being late, but she found herself staring at the arm interloped around his, and she knew everything was not going to be fine. She drew her eyes up to look at his own, and wondered how long it would take until he noticed her. Apparently he could feel her eyes on him, because within seconds, they were turned to hers and his grin fell.

The rest of the table continued their commotion, with a few even greeting Tyler, his girlfriend.

He stared at her for what felt like several minutes, his eyes dilated as they shifted right and left, and felt as though he was digging through her, extracting her, pulling her apart with that one look.

"Rebecca," he finally spoke, acknowledged that she was sitting at the Walker table.

"Justin," she breathed after he did.

Everyone quieted down, and they looked between Rebecca and Justin (a few even waiting for some all out brawl to happen).

"You're Rebecca?" the woman beside him asked, with a smile and curious gaze.

With an obviously fake smile, Rebecca whispered 'yes' whilst tearing her eyes away from him.

Tyler slipped her arm from Justin's and walked to Rebecca.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Tyler," she then nodded to Justin," Justin's girlfriend."

"It's nice to meet you too, Tyler," she responded and shook the hand Tyler extended.

"Nora's told me so much about you--so has Kitty. The way those two talk you up had me nervous for a second!" she laughed.

Rebecca chuckled nervously, but she couldn't help feeling that she was missing something--or rather that Tyler was missing something.

Kitty, who sat next to Rebecca, leaned over and whispered, "she knows everything, except the fact that you and Justin dated."

This only angered Rebecca, angered her because he had decided to pretend with his girlfriend that he shared nothing with Rebecca. Angered her because this meant that when he fell back his addiction, he had not told Tyler about his girlfriend. Angered her because she knew one of the steps to sobriety was honesty. Where the hell was the honesty?

But she couldn't let her anger show, so she pushed aside these feelings and tried to the best of her ability to remain curt throughout dinner to Tyler, who kept talking to her.

Through this, she kept wondering how Justin lied to Tyler, just how he could be with someone for nine months when he wasn't being completely honest. Or did he just think his relationship with her was too meaningless to even mention?

The whole dinner went by in a whirl, as every once in awhile she could feel his gaze on her, could feel him staring at her, especially when she spoke to Tyler who appeared clueless. Even through the whirlwind, however, it couldn't end quickly enough.

It seemed as though no disaster on a grand scale was going to occur, which was a relief, but then the doorbell rang.

Nora jumped to get it, and from the dining room they could hear her squeal 'Sarah!' soon followed by Nora exclaiming 'Cooper! Paige!' which sent immediate alarms off to everyone. Without notice, Justin jumped up from the table and practically sprinted to the door.

Rebecca ran a hand through her hair and she stared at her food, feeling as though something bad was on the cusp of happening.

--

"Sarah--what are Paige and Cooper doing here?" Justin asked when he reached them.

"Well, hell to you too brother. I have had a tiring, but good day, how about you?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically.

"Rebecca's here," he muttered, explaining to her.

"Really?" she smirked and placed her hands on her hips.

But Justin was not amused and he gave her a pointed look so as to communicate to her why this was not a good situation, but added to the message by actually speaking the words--"And Tyler's here."

"Oh," Sarah's face fell and then she looked at him in shock after looking around the room," oh!"

Justin looked around as well, as both realized that their mom and Sarah's kids had already left them speaking. They rushed into the kitchen immediately.

They were, however, a second too late as they only made it in time to see Paige jabbing Cooper as he exclaimed to Rebecca," No, you and Uncle Justin weren't just friends--you were dating!"

"Cooper!" both his sister and his mom hissed.

"What?" he raised his arms," Mom says it's never a good thing to lie!"

"We need to talk, mister," they heard Paige whisper as she tugged her brother off to the living room, and without having to be asked, Darrin followed his cousins.

As the three children walked away, the room was silent, as all family members averted their eyes from Tyler, Rebecca hid her face in her hands, Justin stared at Tyler, and Tyler was left with her mouth agape.

And as soon as the children were in the living room, the words came spilling out of everyone.

"You dated her?" Tyler said in disbelief as she met Justin's eyes.

"Maybe we should leave you two alone," Nora stood from her seat.

"No, no, don't let me intrude this family reunion," she spit out and lifted herself from the chair.

"Tyler, wait!" Justin began walking towards her, but she moved around him and walked right past him.

"Tyler!"

She stopped in the entrance to the kitchen, glanced quickly at Rebecca, and eyed him.

"Not tonight Justin. Not tonight."

Those were her last words, and within seconds they could hear the door slam and the Walkers were left among there own--with Rebecca.

"This is all your fault!" he directed at Rebecca.

She looked at him as her chest heaved, and opened her mouth to speak, when Nora intruded.

"No, it's not. I didn't tell you all that she was coming to dinner."

"That's very true," Sarah nodded.

"Oh, well that's mature, Sarah," Kitty contorted her face.

"Yeah, especially considering that you were the one who brought the kids who knew about Rebecca," Tommy stood from his seat and walked away into the kitchen, to avoid the brawl, but Sarah followed pursuit.

"They're just kids, and Joe got sick…!" they could hear her protest as she trailed him.

"I'm going to go check on the kids," Julia, Tommy's wife, said in an effort to exit the room.

"Oh this is not going to end well," Scotty murmured as he sunk into his chair.

"You're telling me," Kevin scoffed as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"You're just going to sit there?" Nora called on him.

"What am I supposed to do?! Settle this?"

Nora raised an eyebrow at him, so as to say yes, which left him undignified.

"This isn't even my problem!" he stood up hastily, signaling Scotty to follow him--he knew better than to involve himself in a Walker battle.

When they left, and when the fighting shouts between Tommy and Sarah could no longer be heard, Nora, Justin, and Rebecca remained in the dining room, with the two young adults refusing to make eye contact. The anger and frustrations were written clearly across their faces, with Justin pacing and Rebecca tapping her foot impatiently.

"Okay, okay, we all know nothing is going to be resolved tonight," Kitty said softly, to not disturb the quiet air filled with so much tension too much.

"Justin, you should head off to your old room," she said, in a tone that sounded more like demand than a suggestion.

He didn't fight it, and simply nodded to her before he headed off. Then Kitty turned to Rebecca, and she placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Do you think you can drive home?"

Rebecca looked up at her and nodded as she swiped at the droplets of water that had begun forming when Justin looked at her so bitterly as Tyler left.

"Yeah, yeah."

But Nora would not have that, and in a firm voice said," You're not thinking clearly, it's dark, and it's late. You should stay here."

There was no question as to whether this was her motherly advice or her motherly command.

"You can stay in the same bedroom as before--aside from some tidying up, it remains the same and you still have some clothes left here, so there's no reason why you can't stay. Understood?"

Rebecca sighed and bit her lip--"okay."

As Rebecca answered Nora, she thought that at least, during this whole ugly mess , she had managed to avoid a lone moment with Justin the entire night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Love 'Till You Hate (4/5)  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Justin/Rebecca  
**Summary:** When Rebecca decided to visit her father David, she couldn't foresee the change she would be swept up in. Justin's step back, her extended stay with her father, and the reappearance of an ex-girlfriend, all of which tears a fabric once thought unbreakable--her bond with Justin.  
**Note: **Now, I don't like to play favorites, but this installment? He, yeah...So I hope you **Enjoy**.

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The water cools her, feels nice and pure as it goes down her throat. Her eyes close, and she mutes the murmuring sounds of the refrigerator, and breathes in intensely. Forgetting, remembering nothing. It's always better that way.

Some beer would be nice then, a wine of glass sounds perfect, but she shouldn't. She has sleep to catch, although it's being wildly elusive at the moment. Things keep coming to mind, things like old dinner conversations, old fundraisers, old dramas that involved the Walkers. A certain Walker keeps coming to mind, and her body falls into a complete state of relaxation at the thought of him, and she finds herself inhaling really deeply, as though she's trying to recall, recapture that exclusive scent that was just him.

The feel of his hands at the base of her hips, the burn of his lips against hers, her name murmured from those lips against her neck, whispering--

"Rebecca?"

She almost falls out of the stool on which she is perched when he speaks, breaking her from her reverie. Her eyes fly open, find him staring at her as she does the same with wide eyes and a caught off guard expression.

"Justin," she manages to say," wha-what are you doing here?"

His mouth twitches and he crosses his arms over his chest, while his eyes bounce the question back to her.

She sets her glass of water down on the counter and pulls her hands into her lap, and she goes on talking when he doesn't say anything.

"I was just getting a glass of water--thirsty," she raises her eyebrows and smirks," but I'm done, so…"

She fumbles to get out of the stool, then reaches for her cup and heads towards the sink to rinse the cup.

She doesn't meet his eyes, just makes a beeline to the sink, and nervously turns the faucet on. She brings the glass to the water, wincing at the cold droplets that softly splash onto her hand. She should've turned the hot water on, but too many should haves are running through her mind for her to keep track of, and suddenly she feels his presence next to her.

Her throat tightens, and she can hear her own heart beating, almost jumping out of its ribcage, when his hand reaches out to turn the faucet off. In the process, his arm brushes against hers, and she suppresses a compulsive shiver--not an easy feat.

She sets the glass aside slowly, beside the sink where it tinkers on the edge, but there's only one thing her body is finely attuned to in this moment.

He turns his body to her, and when she eyes him, it becomes too painfully clear how close in proximity they are.

"You need something, Justin?" she pretends this isn't affecting her, that she isn't itching to reach out to him.

"Yes," he says firmly, in that voice that tells her he's going to get it no matter what.

She falls back a step, and rests a hand on the kitchen sink

"Well, what is it?" a sharp sound of irritation breaks from her voice without meaning, and she sees how this only serves to flare some already existing temper in him.

"I don't know."

His voice comes clearly, his gaze is pointed, and all the questions and accusations he doesn't know how to express reverberate around them, echoing off the white walls that appear to say nothing.

Until he steps forward, his arms uncross, and he points a finger at her," You left me, Rebecca."

Her eyes close involuntarily, and suddenly she is inhaling again, inhaling him against her will and she feels constrained all over again. As constrained as when she told him that she had lied, that her father was not his father, and this nightmare rushes into her and she feels unable to handle this.

"Rebecca!" he cuts across her after she's failed to speak for a few moments.

"I don't know what to tell you, Justin. Things just happened and…" she shrugs and looks to the floor.

"You don't know what to tell me? Fuck, Becca, I get into rehab, Kitty finds her son, Saul moves half-way around the world, and Sarah has a nervous breakdown, all while you're off with your dad bonding and not once do you skip on over to check on any of us? And you don't know what to say!"

"Justin, your mom--"

"She can't hear us," he grits his teeth, and it's too much. All of it. She doesn't know how to be there for everyone. At most she knew how to be there for one person, her mom, but even those attempts were half-assed because her own mother didn't make for the best example.

Her hand slides over the counter as her body weight shifts due to her trying to compose herself, and that's enough to send the glass over, enough to bring the cup down to its jagged, asymmetrical anatomy, breaking.

"Shit," she mutters and she bends over to begin picking up the pieces, but he bends down too and flicks her hand away.

"What, you wanna get cut now too?"

She tilts her head up at him, a quizzical face overtakes her and he rolls his eyes.

"I'll get the broom," he says and stands up hastily. She watches him stand and her eyes follow him as he walks by her to get the broom. She stands upright and moves her hair, distracting herself. She watches his every movement, sketches how skillfully he maneuvers around her and averts their eyes from locking.

He begins gathering the broken glass, and she spots the dustpan and decides to help.

"I've got it," he mutters.

"It's my fault, I should…" she kneels in front of the small mount of glass, with the dustpan awaiting to pick it up.

"It's your fault when it's simple," he murmurs, pushing the broom to the dustpan's mouth.

"What?"

It drops in her hand, leaving some pieces to be scattered again, and he drops the broom aside in frustration.

"You heard me," he places his hands on his hips and her face contorts, furious at his implications.

"You really think it's my fault?"

When he neither confirms nor negates her, she scoffs, and rushes to move past him. But he catches her arm and pulls her back in front of him.

"Leave me alone, Justin."

"Is that why you didn't come back? Because you wanted to be alone?" he loosens his grip from her bicep and moves his hand to her wrist.

She mutters incomprehensible words, something that becomes even blurrier when she whispers 'I loved you' with a tear that coincides with that one truth. It's his undoing, because he's not just angry anymore. Not just irritated, not just frustrated. He's all of the above, and something else he can't pinpoint, and the mixture proves lethal because his memory is abruptly blemished. And logic lies in the rummage of glass two inches from his and her feet.

His hand that had laid limply now grabs for her waist, and the hand wrapped around her wrist grasps it firmer as he pulls her into him.

Flush against one another, he crashes his mouth over hers, threading a kiss she protests with a muffled yelp, but that is silenced with his tongue that lines her lips.

His hands move to her face, cradling her, thumbs running over her cheeks as their mouths become familiar again.

When she grinds into him, with her hands rubbing up and down his torso, he groans and lifts her onto the kitchen counter.

His mouth begins trailing down her chin, skims over her jaw line, and nips at her neck.

And he murmurs her name on her shoulder blade, where he's pushed down her strap from the tank top she's wearing, and she remembers her name. Remembers this is Justin, Justin who has a girlfriend.

"Justin," she tries saying his name, but it's as breathy as his whisper, so she presses her fingers into his ribs, right where he's ticklish which draws his attention back to her face.

He meets her eyes, and suddenly he remembers too. His hands leave her and he rubs his face, mentally cursing at himself. He moves wayside, making his right foot meet with piece of glace.

"Shit," he curses outwardly.

She jumps down and squints to make out where the glass has intruded. She then takes Justin's hand, and leads him to the living room, as he does his best to not step down on his big toe, where the glass lacerates his skin.

He sits on the couch as Rebecca flips on a light and kneels in front of him, fingers poised to take out the stubborn little glass.

He takes her in right there, watches how her shoulder muscles flex, from being determined, to being defeated when she misses the glass. From irritation, to accomplishment when she gets the sucker out.

He watches her as she places the piece carefully in her palm, and walks in long strides to the kitchen to throw it away. She remains there awhile, and from the sounds of a swift broom and clanging dustpan, infers that she has cleaned up the glass.

She walks back to him wearily, unsure of what to do or say next, everything he had feared when he began dating her. He never wanted things to be awkward with her. Things were not supposed to be strange between them. They were _J and R_. They were the brother and sister duo that turned out not to be siblings, but in the process forged a friendship people would usually kill for. A friendship that led to a relationship. And through each step, they retained their bond, because that was all that mattered ultimately. That ability to know and understand each other. If it were up to him, they'd be fighting for that bond right now, not fighting over who was to be blamed. Technicalities and discussions to sort things out, yeah, they were necessary. But first he needed to know they could repair that bond.

"I want to fix this," he says when she stays in the entrance to the kitchen a bit too long.

The hint of a smile crosses her lips, the closest thing he's had all night to seeing the real her.

"Me, too," she admits.

She cracks her fingers and tucks her hair behind her ears, and crosses the room to sit beside him.

He extends his hand to her, and softly places his hand over hers. Their eyes lock and a genuine smile finally graces her face. To her satisfaction, he projects a similar smile to her as well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** Love 'Till You Hate (5/5)  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Justin/Rebecca  
**Summary:** When Rebecca decided to visit her father David, she couldn't foresee the change she would be swept up in. Justin's step back, her extended stay with her father, and the reappearance of an ex-girlfriend, all of which tears a fabric once thought unbreakable--her bond with Justin.  
**Note:** Title taken from a line in the song "All Fall Down" by OneRepublic. I profusely apologize for the wait on this as it was never my intention to make ya'll wait so much. Anyway, while I feel as though it may not be a resolute ending that others will like much, it's what I envisioned & as such I decided not to compromise that. Creative vision and all, but hopefully this final chapter exudes the purpose I had with this story & I hope you'll R&R, and Enjoy.

* * *

It goes like this, in a strange cycle where the same tracks are visible and the markers are strikingly bright even in cloudy days. But if eyes are turned, and instincts are ignored, so are the clues. And everything, it just goes round and round, with the truth left to rot out on the side of road so when it is discovered the gut churns in disgust, and the reflex to gag kicks in. That vomit-inducing feeling is just that overwhelming.

"Rebecca and I--we've always had this connection. So yeah, we dated after finding out she wasn't related to us, but then she left and we did the long-distance relationship--"

"For how long?"

"The long distance? I'd say up until the alcohol, but maybe even afterwards, but we didn't talk after that happened. She didn't answer her phone, didn't return my calls. But you…you were there."

"So what? I was some sort of replacement?"

The look of disbelief and disappointment tear at him, especially since he feels and understands it so well. It's that place under which he stood when he needed Rebecca, but she wasn't there. And everything fell out of place. Everything.

--

"She was a replacement?"

"No, I…I wouldn't call it that, but if you had to give a name to it, then yeah."

There's shame in his admission, something that makes his head fall, eyes glaze over at how he reacted to the lack of Rebecca's presence.

She bites her lower lip, as watching him, hearing him, projects his feelings into her in such in manner that his feelings pour over her like a bucket of scalding hot water that burns her, almost to the point where she feels numb. But not quite. Everything she did, or rather did not do, helped set off this horrible cycle in which things just fell apart.

"I'm so sorry, Justin."

She catches his eyes as droplets blur the scene, her senses too weak to control the deafening guilt.

"I let our relationship take second place because I wanted to get closer to David, just for this dream I had of having a real father, and it was all so idiotic--"

"You had a right to get to know him. You just…didn't have to drop everything for it, didn't have to put us all on backburner, not the family you already had. And of top of everything else, you didn't even talk to me Becca, not to me, or any of us."

"And I don't have any good or even reasonable excuse for that, but I am sorry."

He nods, just twice, just in acknowledgement to her apology. Taking in a deep breath, he sits upright, and flexes his arm to wrap it around her shoulders, in a tentative embrace. Unsure of herself at first, she's tense under him, but when his hand squeezes her shoulder cap gently, she relaxes, and rests her head on his shoulder, sighing at the relief his act seems to bring. This is how it goes.

--

"I'm sorry, Tyler."

But it's not enough to salvage what may be left, because from the instant the truth hit her ears, she saw the light to things she hadn't paid much attention to before. Like how Justin glanced at Rebecca that night, or how they avoided looking at each other directly. It just makes sense; it's this bond she knows she's not responsible for breaking, but knows that due to some extraneous circumstances, she came in between, and she can't allow herself to become this giant roadblock that puts a stop to something so big, her boyfriend couldn't even bring himself to admit.

It was always there, but how could she have identified it without knowing about pre-existing factors, how could she define this strange sense she had without knowing of a pre-existing girlfriend obviously very important to him?

The signs, though, were always there. The hesitancy with which he said he loved her. The dark undertone he took anytime Rebecca was mentioned. His inability to remain close to her for a period of time that extended beyond a night. Why he wouldn't be there the mornings he said to be staying the nights. And why he was so hesitant to take up her proposition to resume a relationship.

"Yeah, well I'm sorry, too."

It's a bond she can't compete with. It's not fair to him, much less to herself. She contends this fact and stands from her couch to walk to the front door. It's his cue to follow her, and they look from one to the other, both recognizing that which stands between them definitively.

"Goodbye, Justin."

Sometimes, goodbyes are the only remedies. There are no ultimatums, because there is only one clear, possible choice where from thereon other roads can then be pursued. That's how it ends, that's how it begins.

--

"I came back a year ago, walked into this house, found you and Tyler sleeping, lying on this couch together, with the credits to P.S. I Love You rolling."

And then she tells him that, and there's no way he can hide his stunned expression, although simultaneously he is embarrassed.

"Mom bought her own copy, and Tyler insisted on watching it and from what I remember I fell asleep first--you came back?"

"Yes, and God, it all sounds so stupid now, huh? And you don't even owe me an explanation Justin, but I heard your messages, which contradicted my horrible thoughts that Tyler was here for more than just your issues and…"

Talking. He mentioned it. Her phone calls became less frequent, she jumped to conclusions based on past experiences with betrayals, despite being ensured by Justin, by Nora, hell by even Sarah that they were family no matter what. She set up a trap for herself, so she thought that by default, the Walkers weren't a part of her anymore if Justin wasn't. But Justin was the foundation of it all, for her anyway, and in fact she viewed him that way with the Walker clan as a whole. It was just so petty how she dealt with the circumstances she felt she built for herself.

"So it's not important anymore."

The issue with Tyler, he can make amends with because he's always recognized how and why he got back together with her, but Rebecca isn't aware of all the information. It should be her call, but it's not entirely her call. So he made his call then, hardly forms it as a question, just states it while looking at Rebecca intently. She shakes her head, and lifts her head from his shoulder while turning her body to his.

"It just doesn't matter anymore--but where do we go from here?"

It's a question that has the capacity to instill fear within the most formidable of people, but it's inevitable.

"Forward?"

They both laugh at his response, at how simple it sounds, of how it brings back the memory of that day out on the hill, where they sat speaking on a beach. Speaking about family, about him being there before even her even being pronounced on family, about starting on square one.

"We really might have to start anew this time, Justin."

The only thing true amidst all this is that if the lies never existed, it would be simpler. If the truth were left open and clear, visible to people, issues would not arise from non-existent complications. The ifs trudge through their respective minds, alongside that memory of them on that bench, and the talk before the kiss, and where the kiss took them.

He smiles softly, maybe not too enthusiastically, especially since the prospect is not easy to grasp. But it's an option, a choice for them to repair this that he knows neither of them wants to let go of.

Then he thinks of how she has made her own conditions, her own decisions, how he had his own set of screw-ups. How got from that bench to here, how the in between was filled from the absolute best to the worst.

"I don't want to start anew."

She doesn't look too surprised by his response, like she's been expecting for this talk to end in such a definitive manner. She puts on a tight smile, raises her eyes to his, and nods once. Not saying anything, not even waiting for him to react verbally or physically, she moves to stand up. He, however, stands with her, and has his final say.

"I've always thought square one sucked, but if it's what we need for both of us to stay in this family, it's what we'll do."

And on this Sunday, Rebecca Harper smiled, as she witnessed how nothing is ever completely broken, no matter the extent of the damage. It can be left out to rot, be ignored, but it's never completely forgotten. Meaning one can always look back, go back, but the more time that passes, the deeper one has to dig. But on this Sunday, it was there, waiting for her, and all she had to do was open her mouth and speak.

"I agree."

Though of course, it's always easier said than done, the spoken promise and the fact that there was an indelible bond between them that neither wished to relinquish, was enough of a square one to just move forward.


End file.
